


A Million Dreams

by GrieverBitMyFinger



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Adult Ciel Phantomhive, Alternate Universe, Aristocracy, Boys Kissing, Candy, Canon Era, Chocolate, Dreams, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Human Sebastian Michaelis, Light Angst, M/M, Master/Servant, Mild Hurt/Comfort, On the Run, Romance, Running Away, Secret Relationship, Self-Acceptance, Stuffed Toys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-17 18:03:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18970261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrieverBitMyFinger/pseuds/GrieverBitMyFinger
Summary: In that moment, I could feel my world come crashing around me. Married. They wantmeto marry? To take a wife and father children, to help expand the company of which father aspires to grow? Foregoing my dreams of freedom; My yearning to create my own business--one making and selling toys and games, perhaps even sweets, for children all over England? To abandon my chance atreallove and happiness outside oftheirdesires?. This cannot be happening. It wasn't supposed to be this way, even though I knew it would be. Celeste is the heir, he is the one to follow in father's footsteps, not me too! As if sensing my rising distress, my mirror image rested a palm on the shoulder nearest to him, squeezing softly with a frown etched onto his lips. "I'm so sorry, Ciel." No, I won't accept this...





	A Million Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Seeing as this is already getting too long, I decided to just split it into chapters instead of posting it as one drabble! I hope you enjoy! (Unedited because I'm dead tired.)
> 
> Based on the song A Million Dreams from The Greatest Showman.

Day after day, it's all the same.

_"Eat your breakfast!"_

_"Do your studies!"_

_"Sit up straight!"_

_"Stop teasing your brother!"_

_"You must try on your new coat for the gala!"_

Nothing ever changes with families such as mine. Propriety is of the upmost importance. Love? Unheard of! We marry to retain our titles and keep the our bloodline pure to preserve its most noble aspects. There is no time nor need for a nobleman to court a lady, much less one beneath him or in the name of romance. Our betrothals are planned from birth as are our positions. My brother is to be Earl Phantomhvie someday, married to the beautiful Lady Elizabeth, and keeping the estate well-maintained whilst providing the family with heirs. My father always speaks of what a wondeful life it is that my brother will have, yet I do not envy him. I don't desire the responsibilites and expectations placed upon his shoulders from a very young age nor do I long for the promise of a wife or the inheritance he will someday possess. He is suited for this life, has been since we were mere children; Always speaking of the day when he would marry, how lovely Lizzie would look in a flowing white wedding gown, her flaxen locks fanning out over her collar and back, emerald eyes shimmering with tears of joy as her beloved takes her hands in his. But I have never dreamt of such things.

My hopes and wishes have always been far removed from those of my brother or my parents' plans for me, if they had any that was. I was to have a marriage arranged eventually, I'm sure, but that didn't mean I wanted one. All I needed was the company I'd longed to own since childhood and the best friend I'd gained at the age of twelve. Our head butler's grandson, Sebastian, had been the only person to hold my interest in my twenty years of life. Many fine ladies had been presented to me at balls over the years, all quite fair and as sweet as could be, but I never had eyes for any but him. Sebastian had officially come into my family's service at the age of sixteen, having been trained and mentored carefully, meticulously, by Tanaka starting at the age of twelve--the first day we met.

He was a clutz back then. I distinctly remember the sound of shattering plates, the scent of smoke, and the scoldings echoing from the kitchens in the first month he came to live in the manor's servants' quarters. In the head butler's words, his grandson was as polite as an established footman, but about as competent as a toddler; That one had to sting. But, gradually, he learned, his skills quickly exceeding the rest of the staff--Tanaka included. He was quick to rise in status over the rest of the hired help when he began to truly work. Hired as a footman, he'd served well. His uniform was pristine, his manners impeccable, and his smile charming enough to capture the hearts of any guest attending a formal dinner, and as such, he was sought after by each member of the household for different reasons. My father wanted him as under-butler to serve during the finest of business meetings. "Seeing that our staff is every bit as confident and capable as the family will make a good impression on associates," He always said. Meanwhile, mother wanted him serving the afternoon tea at her garden parties in place of Tanaka and Snake, "The ladies deserve a treat every once and while in their husband's absence, do they not?" My brother, on the other hand, as cunning yet observant as he could be, persuaded father into hiring him as my valet, or my own personal butler as mother called him. "I've seen the way you look at him. Mother and father may not notice it, luckily for you, but you cannot hide it from me. You wish to share your bed with him, correct? Well... If you're careful, here's your chance." My twin's words should have come as no surprise.

From the time we were young, Sebastian and I had been glued at the hip, much to father's dismay. He and Tanaka were close, having been together since Vincent and his sister were only children, but he wouldn't consider them friends per se. They respected one another greatly and treated each other kindly, but never did they joke or tease. "It isn't a servant's place to get familiar with his master as if they are equal." That is what father said upon confronting me for taking a carriage into town with Sebastian, without permission, at the age of sixteen. His words did nothing to deter. Though we would have to stray from prying eyes, Sebastian would not leave my side. If I had to leave for that to remain true, it was no bother to me.

However, so far, we have done rather well at keeping our relations a secret. Hands never roam and titles are never dropped unless behind locked doors, propriety closely monitored and held firmly in place until the rising of the moon. When midnight came, all bets were off. Morning coats and tailcoats were shed in favor of bare checks and uncovered backs, formal words and friendly smiles exchanged for groans of birth names and sultry grins. The respectful distance of porcelain and cloth between bodies during baths were traded for slick skin and no barriers between chests, calming strokes of hair and bucking of hips sloshing warm water into puddles upon the black and white tile floor. Commands faded to requests and platonic words were left behind for more gentle ones, a warm hold taking the place of cool cotton gloves. Day to night was a great contrast, one that always left me longing for the sun to never rise again, stretching the night into a single everlasting moment. Sebastian would never have to slink carefully back downstairs to his quarters at the break of dawn if the moon were to bless us with its eternity. Even still, that was never to be. Not yet anyways. But perhaps soon...

A rapping of knuckles against my bedroom door roused me from my slumber. How could it already be morning? I have only just fallen asleep... Peering towards the pocket watch settled upon my bedside table proved my thoughts to be untrue. I had fallen asleep six hours ago. It wasn't the most satisfactory amount of sleep, but it was the most I could manage without shortening the time spent with my lover at night. I could sacrifice my rest if it meant I got to see him. Rather than the dulcet voice I'd come to be so familiar with ringing out from behind the thick mahogany, it was a lighter tone that greeted my ears, one identical to my own. "Ciel, I know it's still early, but you may want to let me in. It's important." The serious notes in Celeste's usually mischievous tone was enough to put me on edge. This couldn't be good. Standing from my bed, I shivered faintly, regretting the loss of warmth the second my sheets fell from my shoulder. Slipping my navy dressing gown over my sleepshirt and tying it at the waist for added heat, I unlocked the entrance that separated my brother from me, "Very well. Come in, Celeste."

With an uneasy expression, my elder brother entered my chambers and locked the door behind himself, following me back to my bed where I quickly proceeded to lay back down and hitch the covers back up to my neck. There is no point in freezing before it is even time for breakfast. Taking note of the obvious plum circles beneath my eyes and the slight limp I carried when walking, a faint smirk spread across his lips, a hint of amusement shining in his eyes. "That rough, hm? It's no wonder you are always reluctant to leave the bed in the morning." With a ruby hue dusting my cheeks, a trait of mine that I deeply resented and that was adored by Sebastian. I scowled, a glare meeting with his small grin. "I will have none of that, especially this early in the morning... You know I didn't sleep well, despite the reason, therefore I am in no mood for your jibes just yet..." Turning sincere, I peeked at him from beneath the blankets as he perched on the edge of my bed. "Celeste, what is it you've come to tell me? Surely my nightly relations isn't what brought you here when the sun is only now beginning to touch the horizon."

With a sigh, Celeste slumped. He'd clearly been trying to mask his reluctance and procrastinate being the bearer of bad news with a stroke of humor. "I know my face isn't the one you wish to see at this godforsaken hour, but I just woke up to get another blanket and happened to overhear mother and father speaking on the way to the stairs. It seems that recently father has made a position for you in his business and has plans to meet with one of his associate's and the man's young daughter in a fortnight. I have heard no details on the position or the family he is to meet with just yet, but... They want you to marry her, Ciel."

And in that moment, I could feel my world come crashing around me. Married. They want _me_ to marry? To take a wife and father children, to help expand the company of which father aspires to grow? Foregoing my dreams of freedom; My yearning to create my own business--one making and selling toys and games, perhaps even sweets, for children all over England? To abandon my chance at _real_ love and happiness outside of _their_ desires?. This cannot be happening. It wasn't supposed to be this way, even though I knew it would be. Celeste is the heir, he is the one to follow in father's footsteps, not me too! As if sensing my rising distress, my mirror image rested a palm on the shoulder nearest to him, squeezing softly with a frown etched onto his lips. "I'm so sorry, Ciel." No, I won't accept this... I _can't_ accept this. But it wasn't their fault, it was mine. For thinking that my family would simply give into my whims. I was a fool to think such a thing. Clenching a fist beneath the covers and gritting my teeth, I released a shaky breath, knawing anxiously at my lip whilst shaking my head. "I can't believe this. I knew it would happen and yet I still hoped that somehow they would change their minds. I'm a fucking idiot." It was the first time in a long time that Celeste had heard me curse, yet he showed no shock, only sympathy and determination. "I know you are upset, that this is far from what you want but... Ciel, there is still a way to get what you want, to keep _him_ by your side, I promise you that; It's the reason I told you of this as soon as I heard about it anyways. I am not sure how yet, but father's meeting is still two weeks away, so we have time to think of some way to get you out of this, okay? So don't you go and give up hope on me now, you got that, little brother?" Apprehensively, I nodded, agreeing though I knew how slim the chances were. The sun would rise in the west and set in the east, a thousand stars would fall, and London would be overtaken by flesh eating monsters before father would relent. What he said was final, or so he thought. "If you say so..." I murmured, without a doubt that I sounded just as hopeless and miserable as I felt in that moment. How was I to act after being placed with such a heavy burden, having something like that sprung on me so suddenly? But that was just it, wasn't it? It wasn't Celeste who had forced this onto me without a second's thought, he gave me the fair warning I would have otherwise never received. It was our parents who planned to keep this secret until a week before the wedding date. I knew, because that is what happened to Sieglinde; Despite their German heritage, my dearest friend's guardians shared many traits with the English, one being their knack for leaving the ones involved in their plans in the dark until everything was thrust into the harsh light of day without a chance at a gradual process. Why cautiously dip your toes in when you can fully submerge yourself and hope it doesn't cause you to drown? Vincent and Rachel were kind and doting on occassion, far better parents than many of their peers turned out to be, but they were aristocrats all the same. They would never turn their backs on their beliefs and a solid future for their children to take a chance that may prove to be unwise and have a negative impact on the family name.

What was I to tell Sebastian? I don't want to lose him! But I don't want him to sacrifice his future for mine either... We could never reveal our true relationship, the love and passion we share, nor that we were anything remotely more intimate than lord and servant. But Celeste said there was a way... There were so many decisions to be made and twice as many pleas I would need to forge. I would _beg_ them to reconsider, grovel on my hands and knees if I must, pull forth every lie and truth it was safe to utter in their presence, and hope it would be enough to convince them to call the whole thing off. If that didn't work, I would have to find another way--fast. Slinking further beneath the duvet and silently begging it to swallow me whole and end this monstrosity of a morning as quickly as it had begun, I addressed the only family in this world whom I trust with my secret. "Celeste, I need some time to mull over this... I want to figure out some semblance of a plan before Sebastian finds out, but I won't be able to hide this from him, not right now at least. He can always see through my lies when I'm not at my best, but I don't want him doing anything rash. You know how he can be sometimes... So I need you to distract him for awhile. Tell him that I need something in London, anything at all, and that I am feeling a too ill to accompany him this morning. Nothing so horrible or drastic that he'll stay behind to take care of me, but nothing so mild that he will drag me along anyways."

Snorting, a cinereal brow quirked, stony expression washing away with an overly amused, imp-like curl of the lips. The star of the family is a demon, I swear it. "Fibbing and plotting those sagacious games before your first cup of tea? I must say, it is a rare morning. But worry not, I shall distract your beloved husband until you're ready to face him with a mask of innocence and lack of worry. I'm a wonderful brother after all!" The mirth began to fade from his eyes upon noting the lack of derisive laughter or snide remarks from myself. Any other day, I would have a handful of comebacks in supply, firing each off before he had a chance to craft an equally biting defense, but with my mind swimming and my heart pounding, it wasn't challenging to see that he wouldn't be getting one for the time being. "Ciel, try not to fret too much. As I said prior, we _will_ make this right. Just trust me." With a yawn and a dramatic flourish of the hand over his mouth, concealing his proof of fatigue. My brother stood, ocean eyes meeting their twin pair kindly, my pale and sightless right eye uncovered for the first and last time today. Unlike my parents, not once had its milky hue disturbed my brother. As a mark that I'd possessed since birth, my partial blindness was never seen as an issue from his point of view. "Go back to sleep, Ciel. I'll be sure to redirect Sebastian before he can enter your chambers. Be hasty when forming a plan and sorting through this though, I can keep him away until the dinner bell rings, but I'm afraid that's all that I can do for now."

"Celeste, thank you... I mean it, I really appreciate you telling me this and helping me. No matter how all of this turns out in the end, I won't forget what you've done for me."

A supportive grin crossed Celeste's lips as he smoothed out the wrinkles in the comforter from where he'd perched, soothing the inner ache that had begun to burrow and present itself like a collapsar in my chest. "It's okay, Ciel. And also, make the choice that is right for you, not for mother and father. I'll let you rest for awhile longer now."

With the click of a closing door, the room was plunged into silence once more and I was left alone to brood in peace. My head was a whirlwind of auras and gradients of colour, swirling memories and hopes, regrets and thoughts of future dreads. Nuzzling into the feather pillows upon my bed with a heavy sigh, I idly prodded at the seam of my nightshirt's left cuff, closing my eyes to a world formed entirely of my imagination. Sweets, oh how many sweets there would be... Azure and onyx stripes would adorn individually wrapped chocolate truffles and intricate designs would be etched into miniature cakes and tasty berry tarts. An array of pastries and saccharine delicacies would fill the glass cases of my company, all donning my crest and unique flavours unlike any others in the finest bakeries of London. The shelves would be lined from top to bottom in plush rabbits, a product design of my own creation that I treasure deeply despite father's distaste and disapproving stares upon sharing my idea and blueprint. The smoke-grey fabric would be soft and pleasant to the touch, loved by both children and adults alike, and it's eyes would be stitched to perfection--large and gentle black eyes enticing patrons to purchase him alongside the other designs that I planned to craft later on. A velveteen overcoat and a silken, navy waistcoat would be proudly bore, accompanied by a tophat and a ribbon of the most vibrant sapphire. Bitter Rabbit, as Celeste had called the toy whilst watching my sketch its form, was completed by an eyepatch--my twin's own proud addition to my drawing. Small figurines would be carved from wood and painted by able-hands, though I have yet to decide what exactly to have them modeled after, I know for sure that Celeste would be eager to help me bring them to life if asked for suggestions.

It would be a haven for children who, like me when I was young, are unable to run and play outside with their siblings and pets. It was a splendid idea, one I dream of building amongst the bustling cobblestone streets of London, living in my family's nearby townhouse with my loyal lover by my side. But was there any possibility of that dream coming to fruitation or was it all nothing more a futile effort? After all, father's arrangements are always set in stone. And unfortunately, dreams and romance were far more fragile than a contract...

**Author's Note:**

> Glorify reading the next chapter, romanticize smashing that kudos button, sexualize leaving a comment, fetishize saying hello to me on Tumblr (@griever_bit_my_finger)!


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